A Journey.

Adventure.

This blog is as much of a journey for me as it is for anyone that wishes to follow. I am writing about things that are significant to my life at the moment and what I am doing to get the best out of it.
I am a strong believer in ‘everything happens for a reason’ – I think, in life, the things that don’t work out how you wanted/expected aren’t meant to be, at least not at that moment in time anyway.
When things don’t work out, other things fall in to place.
I was adamant I would be able to cope emotionally with the anniversary of my dads death but in fact, like I mentioned before, I broke, I lost myself, I lost my way. I’m not complaining though, I needed it.. sometimes a little self-destruct is needed to self-discover.
I needed to fall in love with me again.
I’ve always wanted to go travelling but l I kept saying ‘next year, next year’ I had a sudden urge and didn’t want to wait until next year so back in November I jetted off to Bali on my own for 2 weeks of adventure!
It wasn’t part of my plan, but it made me feel something, I can’t quite explain it but all I know is, it made me smile. It made me want to get up in the mornings to make the days go quicker, it bought back my spark.
Some people may think of it as running away from my feelings and I guess in a sense that was initially what I wanted to do, but I wasn’t , I was simply removing myself from my natural surroundings to build myself up again in order to deal with things that I hadn’t felt mentally strong enough to deal with over the past few months.
I’m not saying pack up all your stuff if you’re having a bad time, but I’d definitely recommend stepping out of your comfort zone. I feel like getting into a routine can become a little tedious, almost draining. Waking up and doing the same thing every day gives you nothing to look forward to, unless of course you are lucky enough to have a job you love.
I met the most incredible people while being away and experienced some breath taking things. I laughed continuously, I found me again, as cliche as that sounds.

Being home has made me realise what really matters in life and what I really want to do.
I can’t wait for more adventures.

 

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Self Love

It’s all about you.

Sometimes, life can just get a little too much and that’s completely ok. I think everyone needs a little time to reflect once in a while. People deal with things in different ways and it may be that you haven’t found yours yet but it will come. I’ve had a think of some things I like to do when I feel I need some time to gather my thoughts so here they are –

1. Talk to someone – Whether it’s someone professional, a friend or a family member, it’s completely down to you. Getting things off your chest is a must, no matter how unnatural it might feel. Never feel ashamed. I myself have been to counsellors, on a number of occasions and at the time it was definitely the right thing for me to do. It taught me that I do in fact need to open up and deal with my problems and that the majority of people, have problems too. It’s always good to hear other people’s opinions and it’s always good to know that you have people that support you. People want to help and they will.

2. Surround yourself with loved ones – I so often hide away from people and ok, it helps for a little while but not in the long run. I get to a point where I start to feel isolated and only have myself to blame. It’s good to have some alone time and enjoy your own company but make sure you take up the opportunity to spend that much needed quality time with the people who care for you the most.

3. Don’t believe everything you see on social media – Social media is, in my opinion, a huge contribution to unhappiness. People only seem to post the good parts of their life, for obvious reasons, but it can often make you feel like you aren’t as successful/happy as them. You have to remind yourself there is more to their lives than what they show. I only have Instagram myself and I only follow people i personally know, no one famous etc, else I would spend my life being miserable and wondering why I can’t have the same life. Remind yourself that there are probably people looking at your social media and thinking you have the best life ever.

4. Start a hobby – Ok, this one I haven’t actually stuck to, mainly down to the fact I just haven’t made time for it but I definitely think it’s a must. It’s always good to do something you enjoy, it releases happy hormones and you can shut off the world for a short time while completing it. You don’t even need to leave the house if you don’t want to, you can literally do anything from crafts to ice skating. If you have a passion for something, why aren’t you doing it?? Anything is possible if you put your mind to it.

5. Look after yourself – Every now and again you need to have a little unwind and just focus on you. Once a week, put an hour or two aside and have a little pamper. Have a nice bath as opposed to a shower, put a hair mask in, apply a face mask and just chill. It’s good to have some time to just relax and it definitely releases some of the unwanted tension throughout the week. Sometimes I even just paint my nails to feel a little more human!

Remember, you are not alone. There’s so many people around you that love you and so many different ways to look after yourself.

I hope you enjoyed reading this, if you have any suggestions feel free to share them.

Believe in yourself.

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A Journey.

I think at some point in everyones life they feel lost – some for only a short time, others for a little longer. It’s ok, it’s normal and you’re not alone. To be honest, I can’t remember a time when i haven’t felt lost, nothing has ever made sense in my head and some times i can deal with that but other times, like right now, I can’t.

I have always believed that my purpose of being is to help others, it’s just hard to measure how well you are doing that at times. I am forever being told that my positivity is uplifting and inspiring, so I thought I would share it and I guess this way, being here, writing this, I can help a few more people.

The last six weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions, I’ve spent a lot of it shut off from almost everyone and everything, emotionally and physically, trying to understand my thoughts.

The main subject my conscience has been battling with recently, is the loss of my dad. A loss is something very hard to deal with, under any circumstance. So many questions arise, so many thoughts. I realise now that there were a number of reasons as to why I did not explore my sentiments at the time of his death. I guess the main incentive was to stay strong for him, to make him proud, to show him that I could stand up to life and additionally I promised I would protect my siblings. A huge part was that I never really believed he was gone until more recently, numerous times throughout the week I would pick up my phone to update him on something funny that had happened, to quickly be reminded that there would be no response. Alongside all of this, I was determined to not let depression win.

Of course, as the year passed by, the depression hit. I could see the cracks appearing in the shell i had built up around myself back in May time but I just kept mentally taping them up. I removed myself from all situations that had any reminders of the time he was poorly and I tried to start fresh. It seemed to work for a short amount of time but more and more questions started filling my head. It wasn’t until a week before the anniversary of his death that I surrendered. I let it win. The last 6 weeks have been a blur.

(It’s tiring, thats all I can say. I couldn’t tell you the last time I slept a full night through.)

I was sitting on a train yesterday evening, the overwhelming silence surrounding me while every commuter scrolled viciously through their phones, alone with my thoughts (often a dangerous thing) when i decided to document my journey. I’m a reasonably open person, to a certain extent, and I find talking about my feelings and expressing my thoughts helps, even when it’s not myself I’m helping, knowing i’ve helped someone else because of my own experiences and advice is motivation to keep going.

So please, if you wish, join me.

Little by little, day by day.

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A Journey.

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